I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
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she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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