Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
