well I can't set my house on fire every night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
