when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
