I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
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**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
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I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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