I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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