I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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