Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
