just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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