Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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