Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
