Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
