Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
