I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
