You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
