i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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