I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
