we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
