on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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