If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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