maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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