Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
