I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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