God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Pooping to opera.
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