I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
