i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
