you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
