the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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