NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
