My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
