I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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