Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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