im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
