One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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