I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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