I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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