I smell stomach acid.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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