the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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