..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just made out with a guy for $7.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
