His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
