I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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