Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
