dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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