If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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