when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
