Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
