we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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