You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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