She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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