He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
