Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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