In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
