You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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