I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
