I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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