rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wear drunk well.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
