Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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