You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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